Julia's Mexico City

Bra Shopping For Us Big Boned Gals

Buying bras has always been an activity I dread.  Well, maybe dread is a strong word, but I never really look forward to it.  Even finally being able to afford new bras after being on an extremely tight budget and having worn the three bras I own to limp pieces, there was a fraction of "looking forward to it." Mostly it was with a heavy heart and a deep sigh that I approached the Nordstrom lingerie department.

Why is it such a chore?  When you have a rack like mine, which often doubles as a "snack tray" or "crumb catcher," it takes a sturdy piece of engineering to hold the ladies up and make them look nice at the same time.  I got measured, was presented with a size I didn't expect (smaller in the inches, bigger in the cup) and then began the hunt for this mysterious new size in the racks of ginormous bras.  For some reason I am always shocked at how large they look on the mini hanger at the store compared with how they look, all faded and flaccid in my underwear drawer at home.  But also they look huge because in my mind, I am not that big.  When you have lived with big boobs as long as I have, you get so used to them, they diminish in size in your mind. I started wearing a bra in 5th grade (that's about 10 or 11 years old), thanks very much. I guess the bras also look out of proportion on a rack, compared with how they look on your body.

The trying on process can also be a bit of an ego killer.  It's not like trying on clothes where even if something fits wrong, you just whip it off and try on something else.  With clothes, you have your underwear on (at least I hope you do) but with bras, you have to be naked, at least from the waist up. And if you (read: I) are not especially self-confident in this area, it can be really tough staring at every bump and roll. Plus there is the supremely unattractive maneuvers you have to do to get the thing on right and in place.  Wow, what a freak show it can be!  This is why I buy my bras at Nordstrom.  More expensive, yes, but the service and atmosphere are very soothing.

The woman helping me was great and she found most of the bras I tried on and kept coming back to check on fit or remove great piles of the "no thanks."  I found 4 I liked out of about 25 during the 45 minutes in the dressing room.  Yes, I tried on about 25 bras. I have to. They are like shoes or glasses, you must try them on to see if they fit right and are comfortable because you'll be putting them on every day.  I can't NOT wear a bra.  Well, I could, but no one needs to see that.  The bras I bought are not sexy, though they do have little bows on them.  They are Practical with a capital P and this makes me a little sad.  I used to be able to buy a large array of sexy bras, back when my cup and band sizes were both much smaller. There is an easy ("easy") remedy to this problem:  Lose weight.  I'm working on it.  But for now, I needed some new bras.

When I got home I told Kurt about the bra shopping and said how it would be nice to just be able to set them aside from time to time -- the boobs, not the bras. I get tired of them. He looked at my like I was crazy and said he never gets tired of them.  I'm so glad he feels that way, it's a really good thing to have in a husband!  He also said "There are women who would kill to have your boobs."  (There must be a Law & Order episode with this story line.)  I know, I know.  Grass is always greener and boobs are always smaller/bigger.  Some days I love them, if I'm wearing just the right thing and have just the right swagger, but those days are few and far between.  I look forward to more of those days in the future.  For today I am glad to be well supported.

More Blasts From The Photographic Past

We had dinner at Sarah's on Saturday night and she had these pictures out. The first was from the West Coast Seabury Reunion Jen and I organized in (I believe) 1993 at her house in No. Cal. So many people came, including Sarah, and a great time was had by all, based on all the beer bottles being recycled!  Sarah was so cool -- she brought her Polaroid camera and a box FULL of film leftover from her previous movie  job.  We thought it was pretty amazing to have that much Polaroid film at our fingertips!
Jen and I had a good time planning that reunion.

Then Sarah pulled out this gem! Wooo hooo! This is from 1998-ish when I worked at Sony. Six of us went to Vegas and we decided ahead of time to buy some seriously funky/wacky/cheesy clothes, and get dressed up and go out one night in our outfits. This was me. The dress cost me about $20 and the shoes about $7. The most expensive part of the outfit was the hair.  It cost $50 It is my actual hair, but I got it DONE. And that hair didn't move all night. Then when I brushed it out the next morning, it still looked fabulous.  Money well spent.

At one point in the evening we sat down at a blackjack table together and the dealer looked at us, did a double take and then asked if we were a band.  We all looked at each other and said "Sure! Yeah, that's it, a band!"  I think even later in the evening people took photos of us.  We rocked.

David Puddy Works At Starbucks Now

I stopped at Starbucks the other day.  This was a treat as we have not been to Starbucks much due to tight budgets. I approached the register and there was a new barista in our local place (See, I used to go a lot.)  This guy looked like Patrick Warburton, dark hair, tall, quite beefy -- to be honest, he seemed out of place in the Starbucks.  No matter, he smiled and took my order.  I asked for a caramel frap (for Kurt) and Patrick asked me if I wanted it "light." I said no, and with whipped cream please.  He was friendly, so I let it slide that he assumed I might want a "lower calorie" type beverage.  (I did want a lower calorie drink but I didn't need him assuming...) Then I started to order my drink but couldn't decide for a second so he pointed to both hot cups and cold cups and I pointed to hot and he pulled it up to prepare to make notes.  I said, "I would like a nonfat -- do you have sugar free vanilla syrup? (Patrick nodded) -- nonfat sugar free vanilla latte please."  He finished his cup notes, handed it off then turned back to me and said, smiling and so Puddy-like, "From now on we are going to call that a 'skinny latte.'"  I waited for the "High Five!" but it didn't come.  I really had to hold back from saying "Are we?  Are we really?"  I paid my money and moved along.

David Puddy must be The Tick's alter ego.  (Okay I just made that up.) But that reminded me of Bat Manuel.  Kurt and I went to see The Dark Knight at a special early screening from the Producer's Guild (in IMAX, it was great and we rule for seeing it early.)  Nestor Carbonell, lately of Lost, played Gotham's mayor in the movie.  But the moment he appeared on screen Kurt and I looked at each other and laughed, refraining from shrieking into the large theater "BAT MANUEL!"  I dared Kurt to ask  Christopher Nolan (the director of the movie) if they cast Mr. Carbonell simply to be able to make "Bat Manuel" jokes on set.  Alas, neither of us had the guts.

Cleaning Off My Desktop

I found this on my computer and it made me laugh and made me sad. The year was 1985, I had just (like the day before) graduated from Seabury and Jen and Peter had just gotten married a few months before that. We were at a polo game, sitting on someone's truck or maybe the roof of GrandmaJane's car.

Off To London!

But luckily not next week.  I have a few weeks to gather my things before heading out.  I'm nervous and excited and everything all at once.  I'm a morning person already but I was wide awake at 5:30 today, thinking of all the things I need to pack/buy/organize.  I learned a lot from the Mexico trip so I know how much I need and don't need.  I definitely need new clothes as I haven't bought any for so long.  H&M here I come.

Where Will I Be Next Week?

Still waiting to hear if I got the job that would take me to London next week for (potentially) four months.  The job would be an A-list movie (do I ever work on anything less?) and would be a great experience to live in London not to mention get paid well to do so.  Yes, there would be actual work to do and it does get challenging.  But this time I would be able to hire a coordinator and that is very appealing. I have started a list of all the things I'm going to need to get this week (in a mad rush) to take with me, including, of course, the BFH that went to Mexico.  I have also started thinking that if we have weekends off (which would be great, but I can't count on it) there are so many places to go.  Bath for one. Plus, figuring out when Kurt would come over and spend lots of time.  

But I don't have the job yet.  Just waiting for the phone to ring.

Last week was busy with a quick bidding job, plus Kurt's brother and sister in law were in town for three days to see where Dot is living and to have a visit.  We played a lot of Uno and Wii.  Dot loves the bowling on Wii.  They all went to the LA Zoo on Friday while I worked and they had a good time.  Apparently the Snow Leopard was right at the front of his cage.  Sorry I missed that.

Today I'm working a little bit more, then having dinner with friends. 

I can't quite focus as I'm waiting on the call that will tell me exactly what I will and will not need to be doing this week.  Either shopping and packing and buying books on London or none of that, but looking for another job.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

This video made me so happy. It's just joyful. Who couldn't use more joy?  It's almost as good as watching baby lions all day.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

You can read all about Matt and see more videos on his website.  (I liked "Dancing 2006 Outtakes".)

Hey! It's Kool-Aid!

Through the magic of the series of tubes and random group emails from friends of friends, I saw this today and it made me laugh. The website it came from (and a few more photos) is here.

(Click for bigger if you like.)

We never really drank Kool-Aid when I was growing up, too expensive.  What did we have? 

You said it, Betsy -- MALOLO SYRUP!

But not this manini size, the big gallon economy size!  Can you feel the stickiness between your toes on your slippers?  Thought you could.  The ocean was so handy for moments like those.

When I googled "Malolo Syrup" a link to Lee Cataluna's column in the Honolulu Advertiser came up.  It's a must read for you keiki o ka aina.  Here's a taste:

In the late 1970s, the plantation favorite "ice cakes," called "hard ice" in some circles, made a comeback among Hawai'i kids, particularly in towns without shave ice stands. Kids bought the frozen Malolo-and-water paper cups from the school cafeteria or made their own (kid recipes usually have a greater syrup-to-water ratio) at home.

You remember.

The cups were balanced along the door racks of the outside freezer. You couldn't line the cups on the wire shelves because they would slip between the cracks and spill everywhere, and who wants to spend play time freezing your fingers, scraping up pink ice from the bottom of the Kenmore?

Besides, there wasn't enough room on the shelves between the slabs of pork from Uncle Sammy's last hunting expedition and the bags of frozen black crab your neighbor proudly shared from the last camping trip. You had to close the door carefully and make sure your little brother didn't "check" too soon or too often.

Saturday mornings I would get out my frozen "juice" and scrape that giant ice cube until it was slushy, watching cartoons sponsored by Kool-Aid.

If you need some Malolo syrup, for old times sake, you can buy it here. 

Happy Two Year Anniversary To This Blog

Mexico City, June 25, 2006.

There were so many things to take pictures of, so much color, my mind was being overloaded.  And since I was in a foreign place, I wanted to share what I was seeing.  The emails would have been gigantic with all the pictures, so I figured I would try out the "blog" thing.  My first two posts are about color and about me and my BFH.

It turned out to be quite an intense summer, my father dying, being away from Kurt and home and friends and family, though I did make new friends.  When I got home, I didn't want to stop writing and observing and taking photos, so I continued.  2007 was sort of hit or miss, though I did get asked to write for LA Metblogs. One of my resolutions in 2008 was to write more on the blog, little did I know how much writing there would be about Jen.

I'm glad to have this outlet, glad to share what I see and feel and think.  Thank you all for stopping by over the two years and please keep coming back.  My goal/dream/plan is to keep making it worth your while.

Riding The Sunflower

Mr. Locust was just chillin' in the 90 degree weather on Sunday. Chillin' on the sunflowers that have grown about 8 feet tall in our backyard.

Did you know that locusts go from "solitary" to "gregarious" and when they do, they change color? 

Not Hungry

Today has been really hard. I'm not hungry. I'm not interested in eating. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast and an apple for lunch. It's 7:45pm and I am not even interested in eating. Eating is something I do really well, no matter what. I'm a comfort eater, I never don't eat. But not today.

Mourning With Metaphors

Grief sucks. I don't want to do it anymore. I'm all set, thanks, I want to be done now.

But I have no choice. Technically I do have a choice, but that would mean choosing to pretend I'm not grieving and that is impossible for me. And anyway, in all the stuff I've been reading about grief, avoiding it is the worst thing you can do. No matter where or when you set the heavy load down, thinking it will be better, at some point you must pick it up again. It only gets lighter as you actually experience and live through it.  But you can't rush it either. Frak.

All week it's been metaphors, so much so that it became ridiculous to me and I kept laughing.  No matter what I wrote (journal or email or online) or said, it always came out in a metaphor and felt silly.

It's like a roller coaster.  All the ups and downs -- huge ones at first, then not quite so huge, then they will get smaller, though not without a few breath taking surprise twists along the way.  But as I wrote this I realized that this roller coaster was more like The Giant Dipper at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk. Most roller coasters start with that first big up, with all the anticipation before the big down.  The Giant Dipper starts you off in a pitch black tunnel and as you prepare for that chunka chunka chunk chunka chunka chunka of the first big up, you go straight DOWN.  Then you start the big climb up the first real hill.  Yeah, that's what it's like.

It's like a waiting room. There is somewhere to go, but I'm not sure where. There is no posted schedule.  There are people to help, but they are free to come and go.  I have to wait.

It's like being in a dark forest.  There is a path, but sometimes it's hard to see the path, sometimes the path is like a boulevard. 

It's like being in a deep valley.

...being in a sound proof box.

...being in a sailboat but there's no wind.

...it's like a climbing a mountain.

I climbed a mountain in Italy in 1992.  Col Rosa in the Dolomites in Italy, near Cortina D'Ampezzo.  It was a via ferrata but it was hard.  It took eight hours from start to finish and by the end I was exhausted and exhilarated.  In the middle of it, I was scared and mad and unsure and weak and I wanted to stop, I wanted to turn around.  I didn't want to do it any more.

 

Even when you get to the top, there is still so much further to go.  (It was about five hours up, three hours down.) 

Even when you think you've gotten to some milestone, some end place, some respite, there's more. Even after your are off the mountain, there is pain.  I know it's only been two months since Jen died.  Only two months.  It feels like two lifetimes and two days ago.  I know there is a long way to go and I have to keep going.  And it pisses me off.

Baby Pictures

Kur and MARE! sent pictures of their beautiful bundle of joy.  (Seriously, is anyone surprised that they created such a perfect baby?)  I'm not posting their photos, but this picture gives you a fraction of an idea of how cute Kur is as a dad.

Lion Snuggle!

Lion Keepers Are Not Immune To Cute

You know you would be exactly the same way.
I know I would.

OMG -- Super Chicken!

Little Z sent this to me on Facebook, but I had to post it here because nothing makes me laugh more than the opening of "Super Chicken"!

Okay, okay, many things make me laugh.

But Super Chicken especially because in those very brief/few months when Kurt and I were dating, for some reason we discussed Super Chicken and he knew the words to the song!  I knew he was for me.  (It wasn't until after we were married that I learned he had NEVER read Calvin and Hobbes...)

Blog Design Haitus

I am trying to figure out how to alter my blog design and screwed the punto a bit...bear with me as I get this squared away!

The Brinkmann Bump

I noticed my daily average numbers going up quite a lot recently, especially after the Nerd Crush posts of this week. I went to my stats page on Typepad to see who had come from where (you can do that, it's fun) and saw that many had been referred by my friend Ron from his twitter page. Thanks Ron, I appreciate the shout out.

After I looked at his twitter page, I signed up for my own twitter page.

It's like micro-blogging.  I added a twitter badge to my site here and will figure out how the heck to really use the thing sometime soon.

Strolling Down Repaving Memory Lane

All this marching down nerd crush memory lane (and nerd crush follow up) has really got my gears turning about those teenage days and how memory works and what were we thinking back then.  The posts coincided with an email chat I've been having with a friend from high school.  She and I have been playing Scrabulous on Facebook and emailing about who we found from our class and how sending "friend requests" to certain people sent us shooting back to feeling like we were 16 again and all that angst--will I be accepted by this person?!?!  And we both realized how insane it is that we could still get caught up in all that baloney. (We have since snapped out of it.)

While I was going through old photos for those previous posts, I found a picture of she and I and immediately had to scan it and send it to her.  She posted it on Facebook and we emailed/commented back and forth, trying to figure out what we were doing in the photo -- some skit night or something.  Then she said:

"I used to try to suck in my cheeks in photos cause I thought my face looked fat when I smiled!"

I responded with:

"I used to think I was SO FAT in high school. I always thought of myself as the "Fat Friend" to (another friend of ours at the time)."

Then she wrote back:
"That's hilarious...I thought of myself as the "Fat Friend" to YOU!!!"

You could have knocked me over with a feather.  She thought that about herself in regard to me? Crazy.

How did we have such low self esteem?  I look at my pictures from back then and think -- dang! I was pretty cute!  What was I thinking?  (Seriously, look how cute I was!)  I'm working now to weigh what I weighed then.  And I thought I was "fat."  Sheesh.

I asked my friend how we could have been so dumb and so smart at the same time. I know my physical self esteem was not great in high school, but I felt pretty dang good about where I was going and how I was going to get there. I am one of the few people you will meet who will tell you that I loved high school. Even with all the above described nonsense, I really look back so fondly at my Seabury days. But I also knew it wasn't the be-all end-all that many others took it for. I knew there was so much more waiting for me.

You saw Shana's 1982 crush list from her journal. I had cropped it for the crush blog post, but the top half of the journal entry is even more awesome, I think.

She had made up her mind to go into movies and television in 1982.  (It took me until 1984).  I love that she wrote "I don't know it just turns me on."  If you've read any "what to do with your life" books like I have, you know this very simple statement is the key to it all.  And what does Shana do now? She works in movies and television and creates beautiful images as a Director of Photography.

It blows my mind that at a time when we were all feeling so unattractive (and we were so wrong) we could also have been tuning in to what was really going to turn us on later in life and then made plans to make it happen.

Nerd Crush Follow Up -- Part II -- Tom Selleck!!!11!

Here's the thing. 

Tom Selleck was so above and beyond all those other crushes that he didn't even occur to me for the crush list. Honestly. He was different.  More special.  He was Magnum P.I.

AND -- Tom Selleck lived and worked in HAWAII!!!1! Just like me. Well, my job was to be in high school at the time, but still. He was nearby. When you live in a small town far away from "Hollywood" this is big big big deal.  Yeah, yeah, there was Hawaii 5-0 when I was in 2nd grade, but we didn't really know what crushes were at that point.  (Of course I would have had a thing for Danno...)

Hang on, I have to do two things here:
1) "With Kam Fong as Chin Ho"  !!  (That's for Betsy and Sally (and Dor too if you are there...))
and
2) Shout out to Tommy Tedesco and others who played on the theme song.  Oh you thought it might be some group called "The Ventures"?  Oh no.  Please click here and learn about The Wrecking Crew.

(I was going to embed the opening sequence from Hawaii 5-0 from the youtube page, but they disabled the embed option, you'll need to click here. Enjoy.)

Where was I? Oh yeah, Tom Selleck.

At some point in the fall of 1982 or early 1983, mom and I went to Oahu for mom's friend Jackie's wedding.  Mostly I remember the party at the Waikiki Yacht Club (or is it/was it the Ala Wai Yacht Club?), very exclusive. The key thing is, when you walked in there was a guest book to sign and GUESS WHO HAD SIGNED IT WITH HIS ADDRESS?!?!?!?  Yes, indeed Tom Selleck.  I memorized the address on Black Point Road, knowing I would need it some day.  And boy did I.

Cut to spring of 1983, my sophomore year in high school. I'm social committee chairperson (I know, hard to imagine) and I don't have a date to the prom I just organized. What to do...what to do.... DING!  Yes, sports fans, I wrote Tom Selleck a letter asking him to be my date to the prom. I explained my situation and assured him I wasn't a lunatic and was nice looking.  (Gawd being 15 was awesome!!)  No, I didn't really hold out hope that he would come, but I had his actual home address that no one else had and I only lived a 20 minute flight away....TC could fly him over in the helicopter and ....

Okay, I didn't hear from him and Joel asked me at the last minute and I went to the prom and it was all fine.

BUT THEN!

I got two postcards in May of 1983.  And yes OF COURSE I still have them.  The fronts looked like this:

(Click for bigger, you know you want to...)

But more importantly -- what was on the back!

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!

I like to think he typed it. And I told myself, even then, that even if it was an assistant, how amazing!!

I'll transcribe in case you couldn't see it clearly:
Thanks for the nice invitation, Julia.  Sorry I missed the event, but, Magnum PI was just wrapping up and I was getting ready to leave for England, where I'll be until mid-summer shooting "Lassiter". I just now received your letter.  Hope the prom went super well, Julia.

Oh Tom, you are wonderful.

Today I was IMing with Shana about the nerd crush post from yesterday and she immediately typed "TOM SELLECK!" which made me realize how above and beyond he was for me, more than just a crush and thus this blog post.

Shana told me about her journal and major list of crushes from 1982, then said, "hang on, I know where it is, I'll scan the page!"  Voila!

Tom was very very important in our young crush/love lives.  I love Shana's list, not too far off from mine.  Though I wasn't so into Rick Springfield.  And again, Harrison Ford was way way way way way out of my crush league. 

I adore/cherish my memories and postcards from Tom that I had to write a small part for him in my most recent script.  I am going to make the movie and I will get Tom.  I know his address. I'll invite you all to the premiere and I'll say:

Be there.  Aloha!

Nerd Crush Follow Up

While posting yesterday's list of nerd crushes, I remembered the photo that shows proof of the John Schneider thing. I didn't have time to dig it out until today. This is me at age 15 or so. I remember this photo so clearly because my mom took it after scaring the living daylights out of me. I was sitting at my desk, in my room, doing my homework (notice the atlas open to some page) and the door was closed, I'm sure I was playing music of some kind and suddenly my mom said, "Nini" and I WHIPPED around, freaked out! I was so mad and she was laughing so hard at how much she scared me. So then she wanted to take a picture and I was furious and went back to whatever I was doing while the adrenaline slowly receded. I wouldn't turn around so she could only take the picture of me in the mirror.

The whole point is that there are three, count them three (!!) pictures of John Schneider around me.  (Three that you can see in this photo -- there might have been even more!)

While finding this photo, I ran across another photo that made me so happy. The camera belonged to my friend Jon and we were all taking lots of photos. Please notice the nail polish (not to mention the awesome 80's fashion blouse):

Did you look closely? Now compare and contrast to this one taken 25 years later:

Good omen.