I Hate The World - I Love The Internet

When your sister dies too soon, everything is harder all the time.

I'll just start with that to explain the first part of the title of my blog post.

I've been crying for a while now, tonight. Part of it is just release from a stressful, cold, busy week here in Belfast. The work is not hard. The weather is not that bad (and I was prepared for it). My schedule is not outrageous compared to some shoots I've been on. But all together + a touch of homesickness + time difference + grief = it's all exponentially harder. It's unexpected and surprising, this burst of tears and sobs. Maybe it's just my day off and I'm letting it all go, after working most of the day, to prepare, to gird my loins, for the week to come. Who knows. Maybe I just needed a great sobbing cry and it would have happened no matter where I was, no matter what was going on.

Here's a funny thing. I wouldn't have shared this much detail directly with Jen and yet I would have shared some of this with her and she would have been supportive and said helpful things, even if they were sort of just platitudes. Hard to explain how sisters are. Every sister relationship is so different, even within one multi-marriage family. 

You know what is hardest about being on location without husband or friends nearby? You miss hugs. But somehow, within a week or so, you find one or two people on set, on the crew, who you can hug every day and it's not weird. It's like emergency rations of affection. The video playback woman, Grace, is one of my hug-buddies. So are Paul and Amie on stunts. Great people all. Thank the the gods for them. Gemma too, when she's here, but she's always on a different set, preparing when we are shooting. I'm grateful for my hug-buddies. I don't know how I'd make it without them. And it's not even that long of a shoot.

Then there is the internet. 

I started this job with some blog posts about our location scouts and had to take them down because they were a bit too much information for the wonderfully passionate group of fans surrounding this project. Because of that, I started to read a few of their blogs and am having a lot of fun with it. There is one blog that has almost daily updates and I love reading about what I may or may not have been doing during my work day. It's great. And from that blog, I have gotten many new twitter followers. I have made it clear they will be disappointed by my tweets and blog posts from now on (in regard to the project), but still they are there and they interact with me and you know what? It's awesome. Two of them have even sent me HILARIOUS safety graphics and I posted them this week. I feel like, even though I have a very small part on this project (and those of you who KNOW me know exactly how I feel about this small part), these new fans/followers have kind of become friends. Paul and his 3 year old daughter in particular have been so kind and funny and supportive. When I tweeted that I hated the world and everyone in it today, he sent a supportive and funny tweet back in response. When I said how much I appreciated his and his daughter's support and even more so because we'd never even met, he sent me a picture of his daughter giving me two thumbs up. It made me burst into happy sad tears again. What a crazy wonderful thing this "social media" is. 

Then there is Dor who is now on Twitter and who sends me emails with LOLcats in them. My other dear sister Dorian. Thank all the gods for her too.

And I'm listening to Green Day. Billie Joe and Tre and Dirnt are sort of helping. If only I had drumsticks right now, I would be in great shape. 

My clothes are laid out for heavy weather tomorrow. It's 8:30 and I have to be up at 5. I'll be going to bed soon. I'm exhausted. 

Comments

[Elio]

I always marvel at the internet, and am thankful for it just about every day. Wouldn't be where I am now, with the fiancée I have now, and lots of the friends I have now if it didn't exist. Certainly stretches the horizons, and at the same time brings everyone closer.

Thanks for Safety Graphics Fun, been browsing it off and on of late, it's good fun. May you be as warm and dry as the weather permits tomorrow! Kind of wondering when/if it's going to blow over the North Sea to hit us here in Scandinavia.

[Nina the slackmistress]

Two things:

1. I have to get this out of the way. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT I DID NOT REALIZE YOU WERE WORKING ON THAT. I am a huge fan of the books and so excited for the show. Now triply excited.

2. For every person who says that the Internet "isn't real" or those friends "aren't real" or that it's "impersonal" there are ten of these stories, little bits and pieces of filament that bind us all together. I adore you and this section of the Internet sends you a virtual hug which I will make good on when you return to this part of the world.

xoxoo

[Adam Whitehead]

Echoing Elio's thoughts above, I wouldn't have made a lot of friends I have, had some of the opportunities I've had or lived in Ireland for a year a couple of years back if it hadn't been for the Internet and, in particular, this same series of books and projects based on it.

Myself and a few other people who are regular commentators on the blog in question are going to Belfast tomorrow and then meeting up with the author in question (cough :-) ) at McHughes on Tuesday, and I believe some cast and crew may be attending (depending on schedules). Sounds like it should be quite good fun. It would be great if you could come along! I think we owe you a beer or two for a) any problems caused by picking up on your earlier blog posts on Winter-is-Coming and b) being generally cool. Plus being a fellow Green Day fan. Saw tham in Milton Keynes in 2005 and they rocked :-)

Best wishes, Adam

[K]

Groucho stopped by this evening to say hello...said he would come back when you return....

[twitter.com/JacMac30]

At this time of year I blame the short days and bad weather for feeling down. Why do you think the Scots and Irish are famous for whisky? ;) Seriously I hope you're feeling better in the morning must be hard being away from family and friends.

I'll echo Adam regards Geroge's party and repeat my invite even though you said you were too busy, shame you said you'll be too busy (I'm JacMac30), I think it will be a hoot. :) If you change your mind, we'll be there from 6pm and the menu looks good :) As far as I'm aware, none of us have met so you won't be alone!

http://www.mchughsbar.com/index.asp#food

May your socks always be dry and cosy ;)

Jackie - ps. please tell me you're not staying at the Premier Inn, your previous post has worried me for Tuesday! ;)

[Julia]

See? The internet is a great place.

Thank you one and all, I do feel so much better.

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=731261411]

Hi Julia.
I know I don´t know you, but at the same time it seems like I do a little, as you are connected to two of my great passions.
Green Day, and Game of thrones.
Keep up the good work, and turn that frown upside down
Hugs from Denmark

[Julien]

I'm glad that Paul Gude and WiC are being supportive, in a way they are our voices as well. I also want to echo that there are many fans of the books who are following you and everything that is happening around. And through this we get to know you a little bit and we want to thank you for working on this project, for helping create a dream of us. Also we get to discover one of the human being that is there working far from home and feeling down sometime and we truly hope you'll feel better. I hope that you sometime feel the hopes and warm thanks we are sending your way.
Tomorrow's another day :)