There are lots of college and high school graduation pictures on Facebook this month and then I watched the finale of Glee this morning -- all the seniors graduating and off to whatever their futures hold. I was surprised at how moved I was at the thought of graduation (not the show itself). I thought back to my Seabury Graduation and how empty the day felt hours after the ceremonies were done and all there was to do was help Kevin pack up his room and wait for the party to start in the evening. It mimicked a big yawning chasm to cross before leaving for college. That afternoon was just odd and sad and quiet as Kevin and Lissa and I tried to pretend we were still having a great time.
Graduating from LMU was a little bit like that, though not as a sad. There was a trip to europe coming up that would extend the celebration. Instead of not knowing what came next, I knew I had to get ready to go traveling for two months. That was super fun. (When I got back from that trip and felt totally at sea, well, that was a different feeling entirely.)
Graduations are the symbol for moving on, closing one chapter and opening another. Maybe I'm moved more by these pictures and tv shows this year because of Harper. One chapter of my life is closed (before children) and this amazing new part has opened. I am loving this new phase in life so much and I am so happy, truly. Yet there is some melancholy and a few tears as I say good bye to the former life and move into the future. It's not because I miss that former life, more that it ended and endings can be hard even when all you want to do is move forward.
The day came to finally fly to Los Angeles to start my freshman year of school at LMU. We were going to the airport and I was so sad to say good bye to my home on Maui. Yes, I would be back for Christmas in a few months, but I wouldn't live there any more, I would only be back for visits from then on. I felt panicky and terrified and had that "what am I doing???" moment. But I couldn't turn back, no way! I had been waiting so long for that day. But dang it was hard to say good-bye.
But once you say good-bye, there are so many amazing new hellos to say.
(I just wish Jen could have come along in my future.)
I live in Los Angeles. In the summer of 2006 I worked in Mexico City. Instead of sending out giant emails full of photos to friends and families, I started this blog. The summer turned out to be a crazy one and this blog and my camera kept me sane. I didn't want to stop observing and writing when I got home to LA, so I kept the blog going.