Cleaning Up The Spilt Milk

Those who know me know that I'm always a "glass half full" kind of person. But there are times like this past week when the damn glass gets knocked over and it takes a while to refill it. I appreciate all the kind and sympathetic words many of you have shared and I promise I will get back to my old self soon.

A friend on the phone today pointed out that compared to losing my sister, this is not so bad. That is true. What is also true is that when you do suffer a loss like that, things that normally roll off your back tend to be more intense. Just about everything is more raw and heightened, which makes it harder to just snap back to where I was before.

I get inspiring quotes in my email every day and that last few have been good:

Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.

— Erich Fromm

First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others.

— Thomas A Kempis

When we are no longer able to change a situation — we are challenged to change ourselves.

— Victor E. Frankl

That last one is especially true and therefore rubbing me the wrong way this week -- because I know it's true and I have to flow with the river, not struggle against it.  I'm not drowning, just flailing.

I Really Overpacked For A Long Weekend In London

(I'm writing this on the plane back to Los Angeles and will post it later when I get home.)

When I get home.

Jesus, this is just surreal.  

I had rearranged my brain and heart and soul (and hair) to prepare for this job, for being away, for leaving home and Kurt and LA and Bunny.  We had plans, important income related plans, life plans.  I sold my car.  I sold my old computer.  I got rid of a lot of things.  I bought a lot of things in prep for this.  

(By the way, I'm listening to Alanis Morisette singing "Jagged Little PIll" by coincidence.)

Just about everyone I have spoken to in the last 4 days have said "Well, there must be something better coming for you."  COME ON!  It doesn't get much better than what this was going to be!  Great movie, great director, great actor, great production team, get paid to live and work in London for five months, save lots of money.  Oy.  It's just surreal.  I am a bit thrown off.  Even being on the plane right now is still not real.  I'll be standing in my house in a few hours and holding Bunny and feeling really unclear on life.  

As if I need more of that these days.

I've been thinking of Jen a lot these last couple of days, thinking about how funny our iChats would have been over the weekend and yesterday, lots of "!!!!"s  and "1111"s and "I KNOW!!!!"s (we would imitate Monica from Friends.)  She hated to fly and traveling is something we haven't done together since we were little kids and flew from Honolulu to Kona in the summers and Christmas.  We were very different that way.  But she seemed to always like to hear about what I was doing and where I was going.  I knew I could always call and find her at home, or turn on my iChat and find here there to say whatever, even if it ended up being "JESUS! MY JOB JUST GOT CANCELLED AND I JUST GOT HERE!"  

"It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife."  (I haven't listened to this album in so many years.)

The guy next to me on the plane spent Sunday in Paris watching the last day of the Tour De France and took a zillion photos.  We talked about it for a bit and I was watching as he scrolled through and edited some of his photos.  I could have gone to Paris to see it as well, but I didn't.   Now I'm sort of mad at myself for not going.  (Brian, I had a great time in Oxford and Marlow, I really did.)  Everything is just upside down again and I don't know what to do.

Again, I need time to get righted and figure out what I'm doing.  

Frak me.  

What is the "great thing coming along" ??  I really need some answers.  

How much more can a good gal take?

Not Just A Punto

But a Loopy Punto!

(Which is about what I feel like this week after all that's gone on....)

Here's the close up:

Not So Much Nottingham

I'm looking for work.

Got to London on Thursday afternoon, went to work on Friday then got a call late Friday night that, in fact, the movie is being "indefinitely postponed."  Good-bye and thanks for all the fish!

Read the full story as reported by the Hollywood Reporter here.

Dude.   I sold my car.

Random English vs. American Language Item

I called a company today, the receptionist answered and I asked for the person I wanted to speak with.  In the US the reception would say "Hold please."  Here she said "Bear with me."

Stiff upper lip and all.

At Shepperton

Here's my office at Shepperton Studios:

I'm getting used to being treated like a VIP.  Or at least like a department head.  The production crew is great, so nice and helpful.  I have a great driver (until I get my own car).  We have nice chats back and forth to the studio.  

Here's the view from my office window.  I'm going to rearrange the desk so I can look out my windows on the 5 days I actually sit there.  

Here is the view from my office door, into the production offices.  It's a great space.

Mind!

Good Vs. Not So Good Things At Posh Hotels

Good thing:  I'm not paying for it!

Not so good thing:  I do have to pay for the internets (20 lbs/day for internet?!?!)

Good thing: Very nice room with a lot of space!  (Hard to find in europe)

Not so good thing:  Strange artsy dress form thing on metal rod that made me jump every time I looked over at her.  I asked her to be removed...

Good thing:  Very nice customer service -- one of the main customer service people introduced herself to me while I was checking in, asking if I had any special food requirements or if I would like anything special.  (Dude.)

Not so good thing:  Mini-bar no one should really afford.  (I also had it removed from my room so I wouldn't be tempted -- there's a Tesco mini mart right down the street.)

Good thing:  the cleaning staff don't put your stuff back where THEY want it.  I rearranged the bathroom to my liking, including where the trash can was, and they left it like I arranged it.  This is huge.  In Mexico City I gave up after 2 days of the cleaning people putting stuff where they liked it.

Really, there's nothing too bad about any of it.  But I will be looking at apartments very soon, hopefully tomorrow.  I just want to be settled into my own spot.

Leaving On A Jet Plane

Good-Bye LAX.

In London

Here I am in my posh hotel (I took photos of the room but don't want to go and dig out the transfer cable at this point) and I'm tired.  Whoooo boy. I slept somewhat on the plane, but it wasn't truly restful.  American Airlines business class does give you (for the length of the trip, not forever) Bose noise canceling headphones.  These were very nice.

I will post more with photos when I get a moment this weekend.  I look forward to getting my own apartment as a hotel is nice for short trips, but not for the long haul.  

Sleepy....zzzz

About to Board

The sun is going down over the Tom Bradley terminal and soon I'll be called to my flight to London -- oooh!

there's the call.

Goodnight all!

Next time from London!