While I was in an elevator at work on Monday, my mom called and left voice mail. She said that Jack had collapsed, might have had a minor stroke, and they were on their way to the hospital. I immediately called her back, but only got her voice mail. I pictured here in the ER section of Maui Memorial and knew it might be a bit before she got back to me. I waited. I had plenty of work to distract me but my mind started going into emergency mode, just in case.
I didn't actually do anything, I just kept working, but I thought of all the things I would need to do, depending on the phone call that was coming. The immediate things were: book a flight, call Kurt, talk to my boss, take care of anything that needed taking care of here at home, then be on Maui. I started to imagine being on Maui, potentially planning another funeral, helping mom with whatever she needed help with. It was all fairly vague in some areas and crystal clear in others.
One thing was obvious and made the whole exercise even more painful: there would be a gaping hole where Jen should be.
Then mom called, Jack was doing just fine. They were going to do more tests, but the CT scan came back fine, he was talking and relaxed. He spent the night in the hospital just in case and got home yesterday afternoon. He had been on the golf course, and leaned down to pick up his golf clubs which had fallen over in the wind. He then fell and couldn't get up, couldn't talk, though conscious the whole time. The doctors said probably minor stroke. Very minor.
So I stood down. But I knew it was a rehearsal for some time in the future. And a good rehearsal to start feeling what it will be like to stand with my mom at a funeral, just the two of us.