Weigh In Wednesday On Thursday
Green Day Saves My Soul

The Grief Is Always There

It's been a teary few days, Jen is so much on my mind. It started with a little photo project I did for Grace (which she'll get in a few days) and involved finding a baby picture of her with her mom. This is the one I found and used:


Gawd, look how young Jen is, she's 25 in this picture, Grace only a few months.

Just looking through pictures to find one was a bittersweet walk through nice memories.

Yesterday I went to a christening for a friend's second son. I got teary eyed walking into the church and waving at them as any big life marker, christening, wedding, graduation, funeral, makes me very emotional these days. And I had not yet met my friend's two boys so it was a wonderful and sweet visit. Her oldest son is so calm and cute in public and with strangers. He's only two but was comfortable enough to come hang out on my lap while he ate his grapes at brunch after. What a doll.

But driving up to the church for the christening made me teary, thinking of -- and this is going sound ridiculous, just go with it -- some day when we have kids and we won't be baptizing them and Jen won't be there for that. Really it's just thinking about having kids and having events, birthdays, etc and Jen won't be there. It makes me so sad now thinking about how much I miss her now and how much I will miss her then. Fack.

This morning I got a friend request on Facebook from someone who's name I did not recognize. I saw we had 10 friends in common, all from Seabury, but it didn't help. Luckily there was a piece of info saying that she was the younger sister of someone else I knew. She is the younger sister of Jen's high school boyfriend. (I knew her with a nickname version of her full name.) Once I figured it out, I was really pleased and so happy to "friend" her back and leave a "hi!" message on her page. But oh it's hard to not then feel all there is to feel about how I'm connected to her. It's not just that we went to Seabury together. She was Jen's boyfriend's sister. 

Cue the tears.