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December 2010
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February 2011

January 2011

The New Year Starts Next Week

Oh it's been a tough week. I thought I would get myself together and leap full on into 2011. Instead it's been a week of comfort eating, visiting with friends and feeling a lot of things. I spent a morning with a friend who was literally a day away from having her second baby. She needed help and how could I say no? And it was hard to be around that much intense gestation. (Baby boy was born yesterday and all are well.) She was big and full of life and I felt big and empty. Then I had dinner with friends who have adopted and had non-pregnancy issues of their own and it was really healing to talk with them. I had my post miscarriage appointment with my doctor yesterday. All is fine, but it was really emotional to be in that office again. I have still been eating for comfort and fully conscious of the fact that I'm eating for comfort. I'm being gentle with myself, though, and not getting all up in my own grill about it. Since I'm not working I am lucky to have time and space to wallow, but next week I have to get back to forward motion, finding paying work, getting my writing projects revved up again and diving into the future.

But that's next week.


Over the Holiday

We were in Seattle for Christmas, there for about eight days. We spent time with Kurt's family and also visited with other friends who live in that gorgeous city. 

We spent one night up in Port Townsend which was fabulous. When we were there in July 2009 it was 103! Oy. Much better when it's cold and snowy! We stayed in a different place this time, a spot right on the water. But once we got in the room the view over the bay was eclipsed by the furniture. You read that right-the furniture. Let me show you. (If you can stand it, click each picture for a bigger version.)

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There was a jacuzzi tub in the room and that was sweet on a cold winter's day!

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And yes, there was an amazing view out the window. I appreciated the unobstructed sight of a storm rolling in.

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But oh that furniture!


Support From Seth Godin

I am catching up on emails from the last two weeks, reading daily posts from Seth Godin. This one from December 18 is really a compliment/supplement to my goals for 2011:

What are you working on?

If someone asks you that, are you excited to tell them the answer?

I hope so. If not, you're wasting away.

No matter what your job is, no matter where you work, there's a way to create a project (on your own, on weekends if necessary), where the excitement is palpable, where something that might make a difference is right around the corner.

Hurry, go do that.

 

Hurry!


Moving Forward to 2011!

Okay, got that off my chest. Let's look ahead.

My main goal (once I got rolling) for 2010 was to pitch a tv show to a major producer. We did that three times! Woo hoo!! Once we got there I realized, crap, I have to make bigger goals! That seemed so huge at the time, now it seems puny. 

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The theme for 2011 is: BE BOLD

So the writing goals are (in no special order):

--Get a good agent

--Sell something I've written

--Continue creating and pitching great ideas

--Continue to remember that "People don't fail for lack of talent, they fail for lack of commitment." (via @revrunwisdom)

--Meet with anyone and everyone to get the word out that I've got writing projects to pitch and sell. This involves not being shy or afraid of saying or doing the "wrong" thing. 

As for other personal goals, the weight loss will continue (that was also something on pause for these last 3 months). My hair continues to get longer and I still have yet to achieve the 167 mark that I set in March of 2010. My exercise routine for 2010 was not bad, I think I averaged 3-4 days a week of working out. I will raise that to 4-5. (That's average, mind you).

There are other smaller projects and plans to work on, like continuing Safety Graphic Fun and starting a couple of other goofy little websites. (More on that coming soon...)

And Kurt and I keep realizing that as we work our butts off on the writing and wait for the baby-to-be-named-later to arrive, we know it will all happen at once and be incredibly stressful and insane and AWESOME. Can't wait!

 


Why It's Been So Quiet Around Here

You've noticed it's been quiet around this blog. There have been a few miscellaneous posts here and there through December but not much. I wasn't that busy, really, I was just distracted and in a new place because I was pregnant. 

Was.

Nobody knew except my mom. I was about 2 1/2 months along and had a miscarriage the week before Christmas. So if we saw you or talked to you in these last two weeks and you are now wondering why we didn't say anything, speaking for myself, it was kinda awkward. "Merry Christmas! I had a miscarriage!" Yeah. Not so much.

Needless to say Christmas was not very merry this year for me. Physically I came through just fine. I didn't have to go to the emergency room or have any emergency procedures, thank goodness. My body took care of it all in a straightforward manner. As I said to my doctor in a moment of gallows humor, "I'm an overachiever like that." 

We saw the heartbeat in an ultrasound, but it barely felt real as I hardly felt different. I was occasionally queasy, but very mildly. The only big difference were that my boobs got bigger. Just what I need. Oh and I was much more emotional about everything. Kurt was wondering how I could tell the difference. Ha! 

My body is recovered, my heart, however, is still mending. It was a huge surprise that we got pregnant to begin with. I mean, we have been going at it the old fashioned way for the last year and a half and the biology finally kicked in I guess.

And let me just stop you right here if you are thinking "See, you make plans to adopt and then you'll get pregnant." No. The biology just happened to work briefly this time, though not for long. Just want to clear that up. 

It took months last year to overcome feeling "barren." I got thrown right back into that emotional pool again these last two weeks. Feeling like a failure. It will take time to climb out of that place, but climb I will.

Yes, we could still get pregnant again. And yes, I could miscarry again and I'll think about that a lot. I'm going to be 44 this month, after all. If we do get pregnant again and all goes well, you probably won't hear about it until I'm in labor. There are no certainties in life.

We are doing okay and looking very much forward to 2011. We know there is a baby coming for us somehow and we are really looking forward to it.