April is also the anniversary month of my sister's death. The 17th to be exact, and it's been three years now. There was much love posted back and forth on facebook, but honestly I barely joined in. Didn't feel like it at all. Grace and I texted to each other a bit about other things, our conversation basically started with "Don't go on Facebook today!" The thing is, I feel like I talk about Jen all the time, especially with my mom and often with Grace so one particular day is not as important as any other.
In fact, the day before, at a party for Kurt's volleyball gang, I was chatting with two of his friends, talking about family and how my stepdad is getting older and isn't so well these days and helping my mom out with that. One of them asked "Are you an only child?" and I had to explain that I was now. (Yes, I have two other sisters but we have different moms so I am my mother's only [living] child now.) It didn't make me emotional to talk about it with the nice guys at the party. It's a fact that Jen died and sometimes just reciting the facts is easy. Don't get me wrong, I cry plenty about her and I always will, I can't just put it all on one day. (No one really does.) It's like going to the cemetary where she's buried -- something I never do. She's not actually there so why go?
Ooh I sound grouchy. Well, I guess I am. Still pissed off that my sister died. It sucks and it's unfair and it makes me sad and hurt and cranky.
Excuse me, I have to go pet Bunny.