Today is my sister Jennifer's birthday. She would have been 54.
She's been gone for almost nine years and memory is starting to play tricks on me. Was she here when we were talking about having kids? No. What did she think of Obama as president. Oh wait, she died before he got elected. Blows my mind to realize how much time that represents. And all of Harper's life, she has not been here for and she would have been such a fun auntie, now that her kids are grown. I have false memories of being pregnant and talking to her about it. In my mind I just assume she was there and then have to specifically remember that no, she was not.
We were so different. She would not have been into Hamilton and maybe concerned that I let Harper listen to it with all the swear words. Or not. That was the Jen I knew nine years ago. The whole election would have been a potentially challenging place. We were very different politically and while I can't say who she would have voted for, I know we would have had very different opinions. I wonder where we would have found common ground. It's a mind game to play, every day. What would Jen have thought?
There is always so much to say about this. And yet I don't want to say it anymore. I'm a pouty kid, grumpy and stomping my feet "It's not fair!"
Life's not fair, kid. Life is life.