We are in week 7 of sheltering at home. We are very privileged to have all we have. I am not working right now and I have the luxury not to panic about it. Kurt is in between gigs so we have time to spend helping Harper with distance learning and to cook and to play.
We have adjusted pretty well. We have a weekly routine that works great for now. School ("school") is a big help in that it provides structure for the week, something to focus on for an hour here or there during each weekday. There is a grocery shopping routine and we've gotten used to not just popping out for one or two things like before. Occasionally we drive somewhere to have take-out food put in the backseat of our car by a masked server.
So far so good. If we had to do this for six more months, we could. I feel really good about how we are doing. Dare I say comfortable. Okay, well, "comfortable" isn't the right word. More like "less panicked."
But when I feel good and relaxed about how we've done so far, then comes the creeping dread of what comes next.
Because all of this is temporary. Things will change. The city will slowly begin to open up in various ways and we'll be able to do more things. It will be a new phase of this Covid life. A new New Normal we'll have to get used to.
But then what? How is that new phase going to be? What will it look and feel like? How different will it be? How will we adjust? And that new phase will also be temporary. Then we'll have to get used to something new again. Nothing is going to be the same.
It's a little bit like when a baby is born and each new phase brings on minor panic. You make it through the infancy stage and settle into months 5,6, 7 and 8. Cute smiley happy baby sitting up and playing, you are feeling pretty good about how you are doing as a new parent. Then boom! They can crawl and it's a whole new ballgame. But you settle in and it gets easier and you relax, feel confident. Then teeth with new moods and fussiness and it's different, but then you settle in and relax. Then walking, etc etc etc. You have a whole new life and nothing is going to be the same.
You see what I mean.
I can be as "less panicked" as I am, feeling strong in our new life. I could do this for a year. It would really really suck on a lot of levels, but I'm ready. I could do it. But it's all going to change.
That's what keeps me off balance and I don't like it.