I leaped off a huge mountain recently. By choice. Sort of like base jumping, but with a rough landing.
I'm now down in a deep dark valley, looking up. And breathing deeply for the climb that is ahead. Maybe there is a well cleared path and I just can't see it yet. For now I'm cutting my own path and damn my machete is dull.
But light will come, a way will open up.
I always have hope.
Sometimes I have posted my goals in previous years. I felt that it would make me accountable to you all, dear readers. So I would have an audience and would therefor walk my talk.
But this year I am simply walking and not doing much talking about it. Maybe some things are well suited to speaking up, to be held accountable and I have told a tiny few people about one or maybe two tiny specific things, but that's it. And I usually told these specific people because I will need their help.
Here's to walking, no matter how long it takes.
I quote Elvis himself: A little less conversation a little more action please.
In yoga yesterday we held pigeon pose for a long minute on each side. That was uncomfortable. But I want to change, I want to strengthen and stretch my body, so I have to go there and stay there. Be there in that pose, feeling the stretch in my hip, checking in with my shoulders and neck and back.
I've read plenty of books and articles about "stepping outside your comfort zone" and how important that is for change. And I've done it on a small scale when learning new things (podcasting for example).
But what I never really took on, what I never explored was actually feeling uncomfortable. Feeling uncomfortable on purpose and coming back for more.
You have to physically feel it in your body.
This realization startled me yesterday. I felt so stupid, like, duh, of course you have to FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE to break through.
I haven't done regular yoga in about 15 years and started again in January. IT'S HARD! I'M UNCOMFORTABLE! But I keep going back because I know it will get better. (It already has even though I freakin tripped on my big toe and fell yesterday. Ugh. Uncomfortable!)
Goal for 2020: If you are not uncomfortable, you are not doing it right. (And you know I'm not talking just about yoga, right?)
(A picture of pigeon pose, but not a picture of me.)
I feel like 2019 was my graduation year.
I feel like 2020 is the summer before I go to the next thing. I'm thinking about what to pack, how much space there will be for my things. I don't need to take all my stuff, but I'm not sure exactly what I'll need. But that's okay. I'll adjust when I get there.
What I want is space. Space to spread my arms wide and dance or do yoga poses or walk all the way around furniture, or walk through a green open space from my front door.
For now I'll make do in my current space while I continue to form the next space.
It's been two months. Two crazy months. But now I can finally say Happy New Year! and mean it.
December is always a whirlwind of Harper Birthday and Christmas and holidays and stuff and stuff. Then January rolled around with a teacher's strike and some planned medical stuff for Kurt that was stressful. It all went very well and he's fine - hooray!
As always, I have some goals and some plans. January included two goals: No drinks and No buying stuff on Amazon. I made it to January 11 without drinking. Ha! January 12 saw an afternoon kid's party at an indoor trampoline park and OMG that drove me to drink when I got home. Then the 13th was my birthday and Kurt had a friend in town and we all went out to a fabulous restaurant on my birthday and the cocktails and wine were so yummy. Why did I want to not drink in the first place? More of a reset, really. And while I definitely had a lot of wine during the teacher's strike and medical issues week, I stopped again and have just had a beer or a glass of wine on the weekends since then. And that works just fine.
As for Amazon, it was really more about stopping the impulse buying. Being conscious of what I was buying and asking myself - do I need this or just want it? Can I make do with what I already have? (98% of the time YES!) It's been a very good change in my thinking and I want to continue being this conscious about what I buy/what I spend. I've gotten better at figuring out how to fix things and actually FIXING things instead of buying new. Or making things like the gauzy flowered canopy in Harper's room*. I am using the library instead of buying books (my biggest amazon pleasure) and am loving the library. I actually started the library using last fall and am so glad I got my head out of my butt and am doing that. It also helps when the book I want to read doesn't really hold my interest and I can just chuck it back to the library and not feel bad that I bought it and only got half way through. (Also, life is too short to finish books that don't spark your interest!)
The only actual 2019 Resolution I have made is: Wear a necklace when I go out of the house. I've accomplished that about 80% of the time and really enjoy it.
For the rest of 2019 - Oh I have plans. Plans that I'm already moving forward on. Creative, juicy wonderful plans. If we are on Facebook or instagram or twitter together, you've seen some of my projects playing out! Keep watching!
What's new with you??
*I think I wanted this canopy more than Harper. I ALWAYS wanted something like it when I was growing up with fanciful thoughts of romance and castles. Harper doesn't seem to be a romance and castles type. Not at age 7, anyway...
I haven't written in a few weeks for a few reasons, Thanksgiving, other projects, etc. I am a bit disappointed in myself as I had made it a goal to post at least twice a week. But I forgive myself too. That's because during November I was signed up with National Novel Writing Month. I mentioned it early in the month, but didn't write more about it here because I like to tell you when I've DONE something more than I like to talk about planning to do something.
So I did it! I wrote Every. Single. Day. in November, and I wrote past the goal of 50,000 words in that 30 day period. Do things like "winners badges" make a difference? Hell yes. I'm still a 7 year old kid sometimes. GIVE ME THE WINNER STICKER!
There is much more work to be done on this particular writing project, so you'll hear more when I've gotten to my next milestone.
I think I didn't realize how tired I was after getting up between 4:30 and 5am almost every day, even though I would be asleep by 10pm most nights. Last night at dinner out with Kurt and Harper, I had two glasses of prosecco. This was around 6pm. I was SOUND ASLEEP by 9! I also slept in till 6:30 today and am taking a break from writing today. Back at it tomorrow!
Really really proud of myself.
My Menopodcast partner, Sarah, recently mentioned a book called The 12 Week Year. It sounded intriguing to imagine jamming a bunch of goals into 12 weeks instead of 12 months. I was curious (skeptical?) and had a free Audible.com credit so I got the audio book and started listening.
And I'm in.
I bought a hard copy so I could write notes, highlight sections, easily reread bits, and flip around for different sections. My key takeaways are to FOCUS ON ACTIONS, not results. Also to write everything out, build a schedule that works for me every day and STICK TO IT. There is an aspect of this plan that I love: Scoring. You have to score yourself each week-score yourself on tangible tactics and "to-dos" on the plan.
You also have to stretch and sacrifice and be uncomfortable because that is what change requires.
Some days it SUCKS. But one of the tips to get you back on track is to review your big vision. What do you want your life to look like in 3 years? I realized today I need to have that vision statement nearby my work desk so I don't forget what I'm working toward.
I'm in week 2 and have achieved a decent amount of my weekly goals set for week 1. I'm doing well so far here in week 2 (and yes, blogging is scheduled as it is part of a bigger goal.)
I won't review my goals with you now. I would much rather review what I accomplished at the end of 12 weeks. And even if it's not 100% - even if it's only 65%? I will be proud. Proud because I started now and will have accomplished something.
Stay tuned for the review of my first 12 week year. Coincidentally it ends on December 29.
Give it a shot!
Note: My links (and/or images) often connect you with Amazon Affiliates products. I write about things I love and use. I don't get compensated to write about them. (I'll tell you if I do.) However, if you do decide to click through and end up buy something, I'll get a little bit from that sale.
In my mind changes happen in an instant. In real life they take longer than you think. And it's not always because we procrastinate!
Growing wings is step one.
Stepping out of the nest is step two.
Soaring is step three.
My wings are still forming, but I can see over the nest walls and can't wait to leap.
I feel like I'm in first gear. And it's good to be starting again, slowly revving up to new things. I'm learning a lot, getting into new habits, working to stay focused when my attention is scattered all over by these new shiny exciting ideas and plans.
One of the plans involves revamping this blog. It needs a redesign STAT. And I have fun plans for new content and varied story telling. I'm also going to start working with the Amazon Affiliates program so if you see me hawking some wares with amazon links, know that it's all for stuff I use and love. I'm not being paid by anyone to post about them, just looking for some revenue streams while I write about what excites me.
I hope you'll follow me on instagram too: @freyjulia as there will be a lot of new stuff happening there, plus some Harper related fun. I'll be on Facebook a lot less as I push past my regular old boundaries.
One big goal I'm going to work toward is writing a novel in November. Did you know November is National Novel Writing Month? Truth! I know people who have done it and are honing their novels to this day. England inspired me with a notion for a novel and so I'll be blasting out ... something like a novel ... a very rough draft of a novel. But it will be something to work with and expand on.
Season 2 of Menopodcast will be out soon and then we'll begin Season 3. I hope you are listening!
See? So much to see and do. And I've only talked about HALF of it! Stay tuned, watch for changes, come along with me into new worlds!
Watch this space.
Oh Hello.
We are back from our trip to England. It went differently than planned on a couple of big levels, and it also went 1000x better than planned.
I recapped my March Goals here just before we left. I had lost 15 pounds on my way to losing 40. Good for me. Then we moved and life got nuts. New house, new neighborhood, new driving habits, new office, new colleagues, new food. My blog post was not very forthcoming on my attitude about the move and the job at that time. I mentioned tenacity as my keyword. That was true to a point for the job and the move.
Then it wasn't relevant anymore and my job ended and I was free. For two months I worked and Harper went to school and Kurt worked at the house and it rained. Then the job ended (for a variety of reason none of which are necessary to write about here - not yet anyway) and it stopped raining and there was this dry, hot, no-one-has-air-con-in-England summer. There was travel and adventure and family time and personal reckoning. There was also much eating and drinking and simply enjoying the hell out of life with new friends and then visitors from the US.
I learned a lot about myself and what I want and need. But that didn't really clarify completely until two weeks after returning home. Just this last week has seen some amazing changes for me. For us. Good changes. Happy changes. Exciting changes.
It's all a bit vague, I know, but I'll do a slow retelling in the next months as I revamp this blog and my social media life and creative world in general.
I feel so good.
