Things Harper Says

Things Harper Says - Spring 2018 Edition


Harper referred to Willoughby's litter box as her 


G L I T T E R  B O X


(I think I'll start a new company...)



Later that same morning she asked:

"How come numbers never end?"





And best of all was at her swimming lesson.

The swimming teacher called me over to tell me this story:

Harper told him her birthday is in December. He said, "Oh so you're a Sagittarius?"

Harper said, "No we celebrate Christmas and Easter." 


(Whaaaa? How does she even know to say it like that? Genius.)


Things Harper Says - "SHUT UP!" Edition

Six year olds. {eyeroll}

We were walking into the school gate yesterday and she said:


Mama, when you have your hair like that you look like a grandma.



I got my hair cut a little shorter and had lowlights put in so that it looks more like how my real hair color looks. It's no longer all super blonde as you see in my picture here, I'm working on growing out my real hair color for a while a) for a change up and b) to make one less thing to have to worry about if I'm going to be working a million hours on a new job. (Which I should be this year.)

In one sentence she tapped into all my fears and sensitive spots about being an older, new (ish) mom. Yeah, I'm a 51 year old menopausal woman with a six year old. And man, some days I feel old and YES HARPER, YOU COULD BE MY GRAND DAUGHTER SHUT UP! In real life two people have asked if I was her grandmother. Oooof. Knife to the heart as I already feel weird about being this age and having kids. Weird as I feel like I was too chicken to have kids earlier in our marriage (it was 10 years before we had Harper), weird like I have regrets for having her so late and then only having one. It's complicated. 

And it all comes splatting me in the face with a comment about my hairstyle. Thanks for keeping it real, Harper.


Things Harper Says - 6 Year Old Edition

Harper has a t-shirt that says a bunch of positive things on it and I was reading it to her and one of the words was "Bold".

H - I'm not bold.

Me -  Yes you are, you are not afraid to try new things or--

H - No Mama, I'm not bold!

Me - ??

H - I'm not bold, I have hair!


A few weeks later I'm at my desk, writing in my journal and she asked what I was doing, what this book was. 

Me - It's my journal, my diary.

H - It's not a diary.

Me - what do you mean?

H - Diary is wet poop.

I about fell on the floor laughing so hard.


It was a good few months for learning about homonyms.

It's Only Been A Month Of Kindergarten...

...And I was surprised when Harper told me someone told her that her Lightning McQueen shoes are boys shoes and why is she wearing them.

Harper said she got embarrassed! NOOOOOOOOO!

So I told her that there is no such thing as boys shoes or girls shoes - boys can wear Frozen shoes and girls can wear Lightning McQueen shoes, it doesn’t matter. And I told her she could always wear anything she wants and I love when she wears whatever she wants.


I talked to her twice about it, making sure she heard me, though I'm not sure she totally understands. But one day she didn't want to wear her Lightning McQueen shoes, specifically, even though she needed sneakers for after school. That made me sad. But we will continue to encourage the "whatever you like" style of clothes and shoe shopping. 

I consulted a dear friend, a wise and wonderful woman who has a nine year old daughter. I wrote her an email with the above and she wrote back almost instantly:

Don't you wish you could say, "Honey, there are fucking assholes in this world that want to steal your peace.  It is okay to tell them to fuck off."

This is why I consult with her. She also had some other good advice about watching videos of kids who dress in all different ways as well as wearing "boys" clothes myself from time to time. So my Christmas list will have some "Boys" items on it...

Raising a girl in this day and age. I'm going to need a lot of deep breaths and to always speak my truth to my beautiful strong girl.

Sibling Rivalry With The Cat

Yesterday, Harper was watching cartoons and I sat down with her. Five minutes later, Willoughby (the cat) came and sat in my lap.

Harper looked over and said: "Hey, I was going to sit in your lap!"

I said, "Okay, you can. I can move Willoughby."

She said, "Well do it!"

I laughed and nudged Willoughby off, then my big girl came and sat in my lap for another five minutes until it was time to brush teeth. 

Things Harper Says - 5.5 Year Old Edition

Harper has two phrases that I just love right now. Instead of saying "For real" she will say "For real life!" For example, she will say: 'Mama, Lila got to chew bubble gum after lunch - for real life!" Or "Papa, the cat ran outside, for real life!" 

I also love it when she asks me questions and starts it off with "Mama, did you know? The Cat chased the bird!" But it's where she places the up-tone of the question. Usually one would say: "Did you know that ice cream is a fun summer treat?" and make the up-tone of the question at the end of the whole sentence. But Harper puts that emphasis on Did you know? There is something quite adorable about that. So earnest.

Yesterday, driving to preschool she said:
Mama, can I tell you something?  

{She borrowed this phrase from me as I use it to start a serious conversation with her, mostly in a positive way to get her attention. As in "Harper, can I tell you something? I saw how you made your bed and put your clothes away all by yourself today, good job!!" followed by hugs and kisses.}

So she said in a very serious tone:

Mama? Can I tell you something?
Yes Harper
Sometimes kids go to Chuck E Cheese. 

{Me chuckling}

Yes they do Harper.


Lessons Do Sink In

IMG_3360Very proud of Harper.

We went to the Aquarium of the Pacific and I told her she could have a new toy from the gift shop. I also told her that meant when we got home, she had to pick one of her old toys to give away. (We say "to give to babies" for all things that she's outgrown.) It was a long drive home after the Aquarium and lunch but the minute she got in the house, she went straight to the toy box and picked out a toy for me to give to babies.

I had forgotten about in the hustle of getting home and emptying back-packs, etc. So when she went right to her room, it took me a minute to figure out what she was doing, digging through her toy box. Then she pulled a toy and said that one could go, but I had to convince her otherwise as it was the Totoro given to her by her cousin Jamie! Then she pulled out an old baby doll. Perfect. She then found the accompanying diaper and shirt and it was done.

Welcome new toy! Bon Voyage old toy!

Yay Harper.


Things Harper Says

The four year old conversations are pretty awesome. For example:


Us: Harper, do you want to learn how to play an instrument?

H: I want a fire guitar that sings rock and roll.

That's a done deal in my mind.


H: Mama, I want to go to drawing school.

Me: You do?

H: Yeah because I'm getting good at drawing.


Harper mispronounces words, as kids do. My favorite that she has said for a while now is "Darth Gator". If I were an artist of any kind, I would whip up a sketch of Darth Gator to frame on her wall. She says the classic: Lellow instead of Yellow. Charming.

She tried to copy me (most likely) saying "Damn it" but instead hers came out "Dame it". (This will never be as good as the month she spent saying "Fuck it" when she was two. That was awesome.)

For a while she would say "What the world?!" She doesn't say it any more, but I do - all the time.


The other thing that amazes me is her memory. A few weeks ago she said, out of the blue, "Mama, remember when we had the Spiderman ball at the fireworks?" It took me a few seconds to realize she was talking about LAST SUMMER's 4th of July fireworks. I had brought a Spiderman beach ball to play with while we picnicked before the fireworks. Or we drove by a friend's house in our neighborhood (this was a few months ago) and she said, "That's where we went swimming." Yes Harper, WHEN YOU WERE 18 MONTHS OLD! How in the world...maybe we talked about it recently and that is what she is remembering? Because we only swam in that pool one time and then our friend moved.

My theory is that her 4 year old brain has so much open space in it, the memories just waft around, easy to pick out and discuss.

I'm loving all the language.

Harper Makes Us Laugh!

Updated to add: Harper and I were playing pretend/superheroes and she suddenly shouted "I'm Dark Gator!"

The other night Harper had a bath. It was Kurt's turn so I was out in the office catching up on emails or work or twitter or something. I come back in and Harper is in her towel, ready for jammies and she says:

Papa was mad in the bath.

Me: Why was Papa mad, Harper?

Because he's mean.

[Stifled laughter.]

Now when we read or it's bedtime and she wants an original story, she uses a certain phrase that just cracks me up:

Mama, tell the story about the Blue Dragon! Talk about it!

Or she'll open a book and I'll be looking at the pictures and she'll say: "Talk!" Or "Talk about it!"

So much pressure to perform. But I can't really complain, it's a challenge every night to come up with a new draft of the "Blue Dragon Story". Tonight's episode: Blue Dragon catches the princess picking apples. The princess then bakes the dragon a pie. The dragon eats the whole thing. The end.